Tears...

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.

April 15..5:48pm..Emo mode.. Alone in the Dark side of the City..

For the first time in my life i found myself alone..Emotionally and physically alone..

No girlfriend, partner, no distractions. but it seems it really affect my life so much.
My work is full of pressures and challenges, if you make yourself busy you'll forget the things that this world gives you damn thing. My work is from 8am until 8pm in the evening, and if there are huge work to be done, we need to have overtime or sometimes overnight.

You feel yourself contented, you have stable work, loving family, Caring friends that always there. But sometimes you feel, you're nothing. You always want something that makes your life complete.

I brought myself in this city, a world waiting for me to immerse myself into, the music, the culture, the beaches, the place, streets to be walked, the people.....to be explored and to learned from them.
Actually i have so many plans to do in my life, plans that gives me peace of mind, things/plans that makes me happy. But that's not enough if you know your self your alone and you want someone to pursue that plans.

But in this moment, i realize that it is me, my self, my attitude, my personality ruined my life.. i have been distracted myself from something that if i'll analyze and emphasize very well its not a that thing to give attention.
It is so easy to find someone that will give your needs, physical needs rather, but its hard for me to push myself into someone, to go out, and act like you love her and you need her in your life and deep inside you don't feel anything about her.
Spending my weekends with my friends here in Cebu; foods, wines, beers, and spend all night in dancing, singing and just ignoring my bodies wishes to put into bed and to rest will sometimes be the happiest day of my life. But at the end of the day and while taking a rest, again you feel alone and nothing.

Really, what i wanted in my life is simply, a healthy relationships with people or a person who accept me for what i am, for who i am, who will respect and trust me. People who know how to love and do not judge.

Now i understand, for the first time, it's not an easy to love someone who may never be with you at all times, the distances really affected, you just pretend yourself to have a normal relationships yet you are not happy at all, you always worry about her, if she will cheat you or betrayed you. It is not simple as you will entering a restaurant on your first date and you just picking the best bottle of wine, or entering a dance floor and dance with somebody who had the best dance from people there, jam with the band and sing the best song you wanted. Getting into relationship is so complicated. There are a lot of things to consider to have a healthy relationships.

I just wanted a relationship that doesn't expired and won't due.

I am now on the state of, understanding, respect and honoring my restrictions, i have continuing push myself for more, beyond my limits.

To be alone now is to learn my value, to find my boundaries, strengths, weakness, and my abilities that i may use to surpass what i might expected to myself.

Now i know what i wanted, who's the person i wanted to be with me for the rest of my life. And the best thing is now, I know Who I am, what thing that could give me so much pain, and now i understand what life could bring, such as miserable things, and unexpected happenings.

My heart wanted more and my faith really wanted to explore things.

"Same Sex Relationship"

A same-sex relationship can take one of many forms, from romantic and sexual, to non-romantic close relationships between two persons of the same gender.
What can you say about this issue?..In our country we say that this type of relationship is not accepted! specially our religion Roman Catholic, but Religions have had differing views about love and sexual relations between people of the same sex. Some churches have changed their doctrine to accommodate same-sex relationships.
Government recognition of same-sex marriage is presently available in seven countries and five U.S. states and the federal district. The Netherlands was the first country to authorize same-sex marriage in 2001 and they are now also recognized in Belgium, Canada, South Africa, Spain, Norway, Sweden, and the U.S. states of Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, and the District of Columbia. The states of New York, Rhode Island, and New Mexico do not allow same-sex marriages to be performed, but do recognize such marriages performed elsewhere. Israel's High Court of Justice ruled to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other countries, although it is still illegal to perform them within the country.
There are countries who recognize same sex marriage.Other countries, including the majority of European nations, New Zealand and Uruguay, have enacted laws allowing civil unions or registered partnerships, designed to give gay couples similar rights as married couples concerning legal issues such as inheritance and immigration.
Apart from the five states providing same-sex marriage, jurisdictions in the U.S. that offer civil unions or domestic partnerships granting nearly all of the state-recognized rights of marriage to same-sex couples include California (2000), the District of Columbia (2002), New Jersey (2007), Oregon (2008), New Hampshire (2008), Washington State (2007/2008/2009) and Nevada (2009). States in the U.S. with domestic partnerships or similar status granting some of the rights of marriage include Hawaii (1997), Maine (2004), Maryland (2008), Colorado (2009) and Wisconsin (2009).
In the issue of same sex parenting, some of them where adopting child and live like an ordinary couple,
there are options to chose from, foster parents, variations of domestic and international adoption.
Men who have sex with men it refers to a man who engaged a sexual activities with the other man, in our country there are variations of bi sexuality, some of them chose to cover up, they use girlfriends to cover their true relationships with same sex,
family problem is one of the things that cause them to cover up their true personality. but there are also people who accepted and support this kind of behavior!
Same sex Relationship are only a minor issue in our country, but one thing that makes this a big one, it is because of discrimination and fatal discussions about this issue. Yes we know it's a serious sin in the eye of the Lord and in the Law but we can't stop them for they love each other and they also wanted to raise their own family for having an adoption.Just a little understanding and also they need a respect too..They are only human.
There are same sex relationships that lasted for several years and there are also others that did not last. There is no matter if you are a male who fall in love with the same sex or a female fall in love with the same sex. Love, we can love anybody we want to. There is no limitation in loving someone or discrimination. . . There also married guys who fall in love to a guy with a young age.. I guess we have to understand these people and accept them.

Its a matter of Choice and Decision..

Many of us thinking of what to do?, what is right to do?, how we can handle different situation?, why am i feel the same feelings all over again?.What will be the effect of your decisions to other?, how can you explain why you chose that field?.some of the questions that played in our mind right?..
Each of us had abilities and nothing is the same, we have differences, we had our own life, but only a few of us have Character, and i think it is one of the most important thing in this world that everyone should have. But as we emphasize it, it contradicts a lot, someone said you can only show who you are and what you are when no one see's you, character of a person is a tough word.
About Personality.. personality is the supreme realization of the innate idiosyncrasy of a living being. It is an act of high courage flung in the face of life, the absolute affirmation of all that constitutes the individual, the most successful adaptation to the universal condition of existence coupled with the greatest possible freedom for self-determination.
Intelligence influences different aspects of personality in many different ways. In fact, intelligence is sometimes considered to be part of personality. This issue will probably always be debated. The main point to bear in mind is that both intelligence and personality are prominent individual differences.
No two people are exactly the same - not even identical twins. Some people are anxious, some are risk-taking; some are phlegmatic, some highly-strung; some are confident, some shy; and some are quiet and some are loquacious. This issue of differences is fundamental to the study of personality. Note also that in studying these differences we will also examine where the differences came from: as we use our mind and analyze it very well, we will find that there is a mixture of nature and nurture involved.
It is so hard for us to decide who we are, what we are in the near future, one decision makes our life changed forever. We are responsible in our self, no one is responsible in your decisions, and what path you're going to walk on . Don't think what other will tell you. It is I, our self that we must follow. We are an individual. As a person we are separate with others. Just be yourself and you'll find your happiness..

13 April

4am in the morning and still raining outside, im planning to go to gym and had my workout, but because i am so exhausted yesterday, i decided to took asleep again and prepare myself for owners visit in our project!
7:30 in the morning i woke up and check the CR if there' someone using it, it is accommodated..hahaha! so i open my guitar case and play it!

I know and expecting that this day will be a worst day again, because of the owners site inspection, another construction Bulletin i think will be issued indicated revisions and rectification, an everyday common issue!.

Construction work is a matter of pressures, challenges and non stop Conversations about schedules, schedules, and schedules..(laugh). This is one of the major problems we are encountering!.

As usual the owner side or the management group are always do the right way and the contractors group always received Criticism.
Technology now really helps a lot in our projects, the equipments, the tools and the other things that will help us to easily erected the building and coup up with our schedules, unfortunately this technology also gives us mind twisting effect! The text messages that criticize us so much.
A minor issue that makes a big deal for the whole management group, but it leads to nothing!
its been three years since i enter the construction field, and it gives me a lot of problems, mind blowing issue, and met different types of persons that helped me to be me. Work is work, nothings personal, after work we could be friends or even best friend. Have a few bottles of beer and a long conversation about work and personal life.

Let your self to be alone..and have a time to Pray!

Living alone is to hard to think about, but this is the best way for us to meditate and take time to pray, every night before i go to bed, i just sit beside my bed and think all happenings that day, and ask myself why this happened?. why i cant make it?. how will i make the next day ok..

Deppressions It is!!

I felt that i can't maintain myself for who i am now, and i wish that im not like this, i dont know what is wrong and how stupid my life is. I want to change my life forever. I dont know why im encountering a problem like this. It really sucks. I dont want anymore like this! Im really tired. Wahh! im only 24 and im so exhausted!! life is just so meaningful if you know how to live it, i dont know whats happening with me,!life is a matter of choices, it is us to decide on which path we must take..it is us to know who we are.

"But one thing we make sure that, Never use your failure yesterday as an excuse for not trying again today, we may not be able to undo the damages or reserve the consequences, but we can always make a new start."